Size guide
| T-SHIRT UNISEX HEAVY COTTON TEE | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Measurements | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL |
| Width, in | 18.00 | 20.00 | 22.00 | 24.00 | 26.00 | 28.00 |
| Length, in | 28.00 | 29.00 | 30.00 | 31.00 | 32.00 | 33.00 |
| Sleeve length | 15.10 | 16.50 | 18.00 | 19.50 | 21.00 | 22.40 |
| Tolerance | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 |
| UNISEX HOODIE | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Measurements | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL |
| Width, in | 20.08 | 22.05 | 24.02 | 25.98 | 27.99 | 29.92 |
| Length, in | 27.17 | 27.95 | 29.13 | 29.92 | 31.10 | 31.89 |
| Sleeve length | 33.50 | 34.50 | 35.50 | 36.50 | 37.50 | 38.50 |
| Tolerance | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 |
| UNISEX CREWNECK SWEATSHIRT | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Measurements | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL |
| Width, in | 20.00 | 22.01 | 24.00 | 26.00 | 28.00 | 30.00 |
| Length, in | 27.00 | 28.00 | 29.00 | 30.00 | 31.00 | 32.00 |
| Sleeve length | 33.50 | 34.50 | 35.50 | 36.50 | 37.50 | 38.50 |
| Tolerance | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 |
| UNISEX JERSEY TANK TOP | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Measurements | S | M | L | XL | 2XL |
| Width, in | 18.23 | 20.24 | 22.24 | 24.25 | 26.22 |
| Length, in | 26.97 | 27.99 | 28.98 | 30.00 | 30.98 |
| Arm opening | 10.12 | 10.75 | 11.63 | 12.50 | 13.37 |
| Tolerance | 1.00 | 1.00 | 1.00 | 1.00 | 1.00 |
The Ultimate Statement in Savage Wit and Edgy Humor
In a world where fashion often plays it safe, the You My Friend Should Have Been Swallowed Distressed T-Shirt arrives as a bold, unapologetic beacon for those who embrace the darker side of comedy. This isn’t just a piece of clothing; it is a cultural artifact of the “roast” generation—a testament to the kind of friendships where the deepest insults are the highest form of affection. If you have ever looked at your best friend after they’ve done something particularly questionable and thought to yourself that the world might have been a quieter place without them, this shirt captures that exact sentiment with a vintage flair. By wearing the You My Friend Should Have Been Swallowed Distressed T-Shirt, you are signaling to the world that you possess a sharp wit, a thick skin, and a total lack of interest in being politically correct. It’s the perfect icebreaker for social gatherings where you want to filter out the sensitive types and find the people who truly understand the art of the sarcastic jab.

Beyond the biting humor, this garment is designed to feel as good as it looks. The “distressed” aesthetic isn’t just about the visual—it’s about a vibe of lived-in comfort and effortless cool. Crafted from a soft blend of high-quality materials, the fabric provides a gentle touch against the skin, making it an ideal choice for all-day wear. Whether you are navigating a crowded music festival or hanging out at a dive bar, this piece of edgy humor apparel ensures you stay comfortable while turning heads. We use premium cotton to ensure that the shirt remains breathable and durable, standing up to repeated washes without losing its shape or the integrity of the graphic. This approach to vintage aesthetic streetwear means you don’t have to sacrifice quality for style. The fit is timeless, offering a relaxed silhouette that works for any body type, making it a versatile addition to any wardrobe that values personality over conformity. It serves as a fantastic sarcastic gift idea for that one friend who is impossible to offend, or as a treat for yourself when you feel like leaning into your inner provocateur.
Product Highlights:
- Constructed from premium cotton for maximum breathability and a high-end feel that lasts through every wash.
- Features a uniquely soft blend that provides a vintage, “broken-in” comfort right out of the box.
- Designed with a high-quality distressed print that perfectly complements the vintage aesthetic streetwear trend.
- An ideal sarcastic gift idea for friends, family, or anyone with a refined sense of dark, edgy humor.
If you are ready to stop blending into the background and start making people do a double-take, it is time to add this masterpiece to your collection. This shirt is more than just a funny graphic tee; it is a badge of honor for the cynics, the comedians, and the brutally honest. Don’t settle for boring apparel that says nothing about who you are. Embrace the chaos, celebrate the roast, and let your wardrobe do the talking for you. Whether you’re buying it for a laugh or for the premium quality, you won’t regret making this your new favorite go-to top. Order your You My Friend Should Have Been Swallowed Distressed T-Shirt today and wear your savage sense of humor with pride!
About The Product
About The Product
The Gildan 5000 heavy cotton tee is a dependable classic made for everyday wear and custom printing. Its 100% cotton fabric is tightly knit to give designs sharper detail and long-lasting color. The seamless body eliminates side seams for a smoother fit.
Key Features
Stabilizes back seams to prevent stretching.
Tubular knit reduces fabric waste & looks better.
Highly elastic collar retains shape without seams.
Solid colors: 100% Cotton. Heathers: Poly blends.
Care Instructions
- Machine wash: Cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Tumble dry: Low heat
- Do not iron; Do not dryclean
Origin & Safety
- Made in Nicaragua
- Meets US/EU safety standards
- Unisex Sizing (Adult)
About The Product
The Gildan Heavy Blend™ hoodie, made from a soft cotton-poly blend, provides warmth and durability. Its unisex fit offers everyday versatility, with ribbed cuffs and hem to keep the shape intact. A large front pocket adds convenience, while the double-lined hood with matching drawcord gives it a clean, cohesive look. Trusted for custom printing and casual wear.
Key Features
Strong, smooth fabric perfect for printing. Heather Sport colors are 40/60 blend.
Adjustable double-lined hood with self-colored woven cord.
Kangaroo pouch pocket always keeps your hands warm.
Knitted in one piece using tubular knit, reducing fabric waste.
Care Instructions
- Machine wash: Cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Tumble dry: Medium heat
- Iron, steam or dry: Low heat
- Do not dryclean
Origin & Compliance
- Made in Bangladesh
- Meets safety requirements (flammability, lead, etc.)
- High quality DTG & DTF printing methods
About The Product
The Gildan 18000 sweatshirt is a unisex heavy blend crewneck made from a 50/50 cotton-polyester fabric, combining softness with lasting durability. Its smooth surface supports crisp, vibrant prints. The ribbed-knit collar and reinforced cuffs help it keep its shape over time. A seamless body design reduces irritation and adds to overall comfort.
– The White color variant may appear off-white due to fabric properties.
– Subtle orange hue shifts with lighting in the Orange color variant.
Key Features
Heavy blend fabric combines softness with durability.
Highly elastic collar helps retain shape, with seam.
Tubular knit reduces fabric waste & makes garment more attractive.
Helps sleeves stay in place and maintain shape.
Care Instructions
- Machine wash: Cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Tumble dry: Low heat
- Do not iron; Do not dryclean
- Bleach as needed (non-chlorine)
Origin & Compliance
- Made in Nicaragua
- Meets safety requirements (flammability, lead, etc.)
- Embroidery & DTG printing friendly
About The Product
This must-have unisex jersey tank top fits like a well-loved favorite. High quality print makes it an ultimate statement shirt for years to come. This item has side seams to provide structural support. All bindings are the same fabric as the rest of the tank. Depending on the color, cotton, polyester, or rayon can appear.
Key Features
Located along the sides, they help hold the garment’s shape longer and give structural support.
Bindings are made from the same fabric as the body of the garment for a polished look.
Solid colors: 100% Cotton. Heathers: 52/48 blend. Tri-blends: 50% Poly, 25% Cotton, 25% Rayon.
Meets flammability requirements. Safe for adults.
- Machine wash: Warm (max 40C or 105F)
- Tumble dry: Medium heat
- Iron, steam or dry: Medium heat
- Do not dryclean
- Made in Nicaragua
- Adult Sizing
- High quality print surface

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